Help for Husbands


There is a story told of a Pastor who was getting ready to address a group of men from his church on how to relate to their wives. As he walked into the auditorium, a man gave him a book which he said a woman had given him to present to the Pastor before he spoke to the men that evening. The Pastor unwrapped the pretty package to find a book entitled “Everything Men Know About Women.” When he looked inside to read the chapter titles, he found 100 blank pages!

Husbands, if you are reading this and you have the mindset of, “I just can’t figure her out” - “Nothing I do pleases her” - “She’s never happy” - Be thankful that you know the Creator and can get first hand information if you will take the time to ask Him for help.

We all want to invest in things that we know are valuable. When you don’t invest into your marriage and make an effort to really get to know the gift God has given you in your wife, you are sending a clear cut message that she is not important and valuable to you. If you feel that way, you need a fresh vision from heaven so you can see your wife through the eyes of Jesus and value her as He does.

First, let me begin by saying that you can’t do anything about the home you were raised in or the one you weren’t. You can’t do anything about the father you had or the one you didn’t have. You can’t do anything about the fact that you didn’t have a male role model when you were growing up, but you can do something about the kind of man, husband and father you want to be. It is completely in your control - there are no excuses. You have an equal opportunity before God to be a Godly man. The choice is now yours.

There are three very simple needs that every woman has. They are so simple that you are going to say, “Come on! Give me something more profound!” Let me tell you that when these three basic needs are met, you will have a very happy wife and a happy wife means a happy life!

1. Time

I can hear you already. “Here we go again. That’s all I hear.” Well , it is all you hear because it is a God-given desire in the heart of every woman, not just your wife. She wants you to spend time with her. Not once a year for a two week vacation, not just at a wedding or funeral, not just sitting together in church and definitely not just sitting in front of the television. She needs quality time with you.

You may be thinking that you feel so far from her and that is partly due to the fact that you haven’t spent time together. All she really wants is to be with you.

Remember the days when that actually meant something to you? Remember when you first heard her say that she didn’t want to be with anyone but you and you loved her so much that forever just didn’t seem long enough to talk about everything that was in your heart? Remember?

Time is precious and it is something that we can never get back when it is spent. There is no refund on time. You can’t make more of it, you have to take it. There is no greater investment you can make than time with your wife.

2. Talk

Oh boy! To some of you men, talking to your wife is pure torture. Most men, when they hear, “Honey, I need to talk to you” think they’ve done something wrong or here we go again. It’s not a welcome moment!

God made women emotional beings - not emotional basket cases, but emotional in the sense that we are “heart” people. Your wife wants to know what is on your heart, what you are thinking, how you feel about her, and what the plan is for the future. When she asks you, “Honey, what are you thinking about” and you say, “nothing,” that can be a devastating moment for her. Try really hard to come out of your “nothing” box and engage in meaningful conversation with the one you chose to spend forever with.

And while you are at it, a little bit of encouragement can go a long way. When you express to her how special she is, she believes you. When you are critical, judgmental and harsh, her self-esteem drops and she can lose her sense of beauty because she believes you. You can make your wife beautiful with your words. Encouragement and praise is the fuel that keeps her going day after day.

Have you been rough and harsh with your words and operating out of a spirit of destruction instead of a spirit of construction? What exactly are you building? Your words are going to either build her into a beautiful woman of God or your words are going to strip her of her value. She may still function, but you will eventually be living with a robot.

Proverbs 10:11 - “The mouth of a righteous man is well of life.” Protect your wife with your praise.

3. Touch

Now, as soon as you start talking about “touch” a man’s mind goes in a completely different direction! To your wife, “touch” means put your arm around her, hold her, hold her hand when you are walking, sit close to me, etc.

In Gary Smalley’s book The Blessing, a study showed that if some type A-driven men would hug their wives several times each day, it would increase their lifespan by almost two years! To be honest with you, there are a lot of wives who are starving for affection from their husbands. Start over again today by being more sensitive to your wife’s needs than your own.

If you want to know how successful you are as a husband, take a good look at your wife. What has she become since she married you? Is she still full of passion for life? Does she radiate joy and love? Is she joyful and playful? Is she creative and adventurous? If she is not the vibrant woman that you married, then you need to ask yourself what have you done to contribute to the change?

Devote yourself completely to your wife by devoting yourself completely to God. Devotion is a habit of the heart. It happens when we make a quality decision to invest the energy of our life into the life of another person. Most wives are crying out for Time, Talk and Touch.

Be the husband that God has designed for you to be and you will have the marriage God designed for you to have.

Remember, a happy wife means a happy life!